bit by bit

About someone I "like" on facebook...

2011-11-20T01:10:00.004+08:00

我忽然觉得新加坡某人有些许古人名士之风，

不仅周游列国，还身体力行何谓

"不以物喜，不以己忧。处庙堂之上则忧其民；处江湖之远则忧其君"

周游列国、民事外交虽有古代名士之风，只不知经费何来？

Growing Up

2011-08-09T02:20:00.003+08:00

I think that the toughest thing about growing up is to be responsible to your own feelings...

Emotions, something that I forgot where I've locked it up.

Been Thinking...

2011-05-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, to a very large extent, I can be considered as Chinese-educated.

A few statements have been the guiding principle in my life:

- 先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐

- 达则兼济天下，穷则独善其身

- 只有来自民间的人，才能明白民间的疾苦

The GE had been inspiring to me. I'm now thinking if I should put what was taught to me into practice...

I Heard a Rumour

2011-05-07T03:30:00.003+08:00

At the age of 21, my friends believe in a rumour that I forgo them and treasure my new friends more, cared more for politics than friendships...

At the age of 22, my friends believe in rumours that I am becoming over-ambitious and overly politically correct.

At the age of 23, some friends believe in rumours that I am becoming over-egoistic.

At the age of 24, some of my friends think that I haven't let go.

At the age of 25, some people think that I am falling for someone, which nearly spoilt the friendship.

Sigh, rumours, how potent it can be...

Whatever it is, I am still the free-spirited Tan Chuan Seng. The Tan Chuan Seng that backpack travelled alone in Yunnan, The Tan Chuan Seng that backpack travelled alone in IndoChina, the Tan Chuan Seng that may have seen through life and death...

I will not, and will constantly remind myself so, that I am not meant to stay put at any point. Only in constant motion can I find peace in my mind. I am still the same me searching for that "constant in life", searching for that meaning in life... Before that, I will not stop...

从二十五岁开始，我就不喜欢把心束缚着。我向往的，是逍遥游的境界... ...

The Good Thing About Being Young

2011-04-09T00:37:00.002+08:00

What I'm going to say is my personal opinion as a 27 year old working adult.

My dad was a taxi driver who passed away at the last year of my university. I had to teach tuition to make my life a bit better as an undergrad. I had no chance for grad trip as I need to work to feed myself. I buy Pedro coz it is a cheaper alternative than those European brands etc (and its a Singapore brand). I can only afford to buy my mum a Guess wallet with my meagre pro-rated bonus in 2009. I have to slog hard, even on weekends to get my work and job done. I want to depend on myself, focus on my career and try to make a mark for myself, by myself. I am single, and I don't think I can afford a house, nor marriage.

But yet, I think I am richer and has a better life as compared to many others in Singapore. As such, I don't go around telling people I am poor, or try to give the impression that I am poor.

Quite a Chinese-ed person, I abide by the confucian theory of "达则兼济天下，穷则独善其身", even if I can't serve the community, I try to upgrade myself whenever possible.

Having contested in a small-scale elections before, I really think that elections is a good way to train up young leaders. It gets you exposed to reality, to the crowd that you'll be serving, to all sorts of malicious comments, to the stress of facing competitors. Election tests the faith, confidence, commitment in the candidates.

The good thing about being young is that we have the energy. We are not afraid of failures. We are not afraid of competition, and is confident in the face of challenges.

So young leader, show us that you are capable of facing challenges and unfair comments by yourself. Show to me that when faced with an older and more experienced opposition, you dare to put up a fight. Show to me that you can speak my language, and you understand the situation of young Singapore working adults. Then I will say that as a 27 year old, I respect you as my leader...

I think this is the best way to represent young Singaporeans.

Vote for who??

2011-04-03T22:23:00.002+08:00

This GE, I hope that it will be a walkover for my GRC (Ang Mo Kio).

Because I'm not particularly impressed by PAP - well, they are still, their usual self.

I'm quite disappointed with the opposition. Yes, their standards are getting better, but still not there yet, still lacking in aspiration, vigour, vision, and "seh"...

Therefore, I hope no one comes to contest in AMK, then I don't need to vote, and can watch the whole GE as a by-stander.

(I think I'm getting politically apathetic, and I am 27 years old...)

My Job, My Future and My Hunan Trip

2011-03-27T06:44:00.002+08:00

My Job:

I love my job, I mean both my job in Singapore Customs and now IE Singapore.

Despite the low pay (I seriously think that given the amount of work I do, I should be paid more - well, all working adults feel the same way)

Despite the LONG working hours (long meaning you have to even work OT through the weekends, and that is usual)

Despite the work=life balance

Despite the constant scoldings that I kena

Despite the growing number of white hair

Despite the darn contract terms I've landed myself into

Despite the little bit of office politics that I'm in (but frankly speaking, as compared to what I used to go through, and maybe even the politics in private sector, I think that the office politics are still manageable, esp to minions like me who's at the bottom of the food chain - i.e no one cares about you haha)

I still love my job. Both my jobs allow me to write policy papers and reports that I know will directly affect the economy and the people around me. My previous job allows me to go onto working trips to Geneva 4 times and Seoul once, all in a short span of 1 year 3 months. My current job allows me to fly constantly to China, go on business mission trips with politicians, and go on working trips myself, meeting companies and Chinese officials, understanding various business models etc, all within a time span of barely 8 months. All these are good training, in terms of character building, adaptability, independence, maturity. (I can sense the difference between myself and friends within the same age group.)

And to a poor civilian who yearns to travel around the world, being on working trips satisfy the wanderlust nature in me, with subsistence allowance and free air ticket given, in exchange for the large amount of reports and OT that I've to work.

Well, that's fair, you win some, you lose some...

And my bosses are nice in both workplace. Yes they each have their own flaws but they are generally good people who really wish to train you up for greater responsibilities. My colleagues are nice, helpful and willing to share their experiences with me.

The main difference is that in SC, I'm just an accompanying officer doing all the admin and logistics sai gang, doing minutes and reports. In IE, I've to lead discussions with my counterparts, which is really tough at times, given the years of experience that the businessmen and Chinese government officials.

Take for example, a Chinese official that is holding the same rank as me has to be at least 35 years old, and that is considering that he is a high-flyer in the government. And more often, we deal with people who are at least 40 years old.

All in all, mai hiam buay pai la...

My future:

I've been thinking about my future in 2.5 years' time, and I do not have a detailed answer yet.

My Hunan Trip:

REALLY learnt a lot from this trip. In terms of work, I got to learn about various business models better, getting to know on-the-ground information about Hunan province.

What I learnt more is on a more personal note.

I started to understand Singapore better and view my country from different perspectives of businesses and foreigners.

More importantly, the week when I was left alone in Hunan was a great exposure. Imagine sitting through a dinner with all Chinese officials aged 30-60 and I'm the only young punk Singaporean, having to toast them, sell ideas to them, speak in their language, joke and (try to) sound intelligent to them. Imagine having to talk to a successful businessman to find out about the company's operations, entice him/her to Singapore or meet up with Singapore enterprises. Imagine having to travel across 5 cities all by yourself, in suit with a huge luggage. Imagine falling sick halfway through the trip, nursing yourself, while writing updates to your boss and continuing with the trip programme. Imagine having to deal with all sorts of people and situations along the way, from drunkards, hotel attendants, taxi drivers, gangsters, beggars. street-fights, government officials, businessmen, SOEs, POEs, etc etc.

Everything, from trip details, liaison, reports, even what to talk about in meetings and dinners, have to be done by yourself.

It was a test to self-discipline, character, socializing skills, independence, maturity, and even principles.

It was exciting.

2011-03-26T10:46:00.002+08:00

Not sure if this is true.

If it is, I am really wondering on what makes a "Singaporean" now, especially when we've been telling the world that a unique feature of Singapore is that all Singaporean sons have to go through national service, and all the hardships that guys have to go through, advantages and benefits to the nation, strategic needs of national service.

I fully understand the need to integrate new citizens into the society, and that the future Singapore would be one that comprises of both locally born and foreign talents. That is how a small country like Singapore can remain strong, competitive and safe. That could be one of the reasons why the new parliament should consist of representatives from the new migrants. However, its really hard to accept the fact that someone who has not gone through the common experience of Singaporeans to call himself ready to lead Singaporeans...

Just a commoner and a would-be voter's perspective...

缘起缘灭

2011-02-12T11:19:00.005+08:00

Omg this is real scary and freaky...

On msn...

Anderlene Rose said (10.44am)

I apologize to all of you that I can longer keep my promise. It's just too much and I can no longer bear every bit of pain and suffering I have deep within. I'm honestly tired and I don't think I can still go on. I already want to take a rest from all of these. I thank you for everything and for sharing your life with my short journey in this world. This might be my last words but I will bring all your love with me to wherever I am. I hope you to remember me in times when I was still at my best.

I won't say goodbye ..... just see you soon! It make take sometime but I will wait for you there.

I really hope you're all right, even though you're just a facebook friend whom I've never met before...

We happened to meet on facebook. She added me wrongly, thinking I am her other friend. We chatted, and became 'online friends'. She shared with me about her problems.

With all the online scams etc going around, you can't help but be cynical or wary about it...

And then I received this message on my msn this morning.

天方夜谭

2011-02-06T23:47:00.001+08:00

若有所失

君可知否

很想潇洒

2011-01-15T21:16:00.002+08:00

拉长彼此距离，却无法控制思念

靠得越近，却害怕被情绪倾泻

你是魂牵梦萦的感觉，挥之不去

背包里的唯一遗憾始终是你

四处流浪的潇洒，只是自欺欺人的假装

I believe that every man has a soft spot, and in a certain way, I am glad that I know where my soft spot is.

鼻酸

2011-01-10T00:06:00.002+08:00

If one day I die, pls play this song, and maybe this MTV, at my funeral.

Damn touched.

二零一零回顾

2011-01-05T00:18:00.000+08:00

二零一零分水岭

过五关（五次面试/笔试），拼六将（六个面试官），终于进入ODP行列

离开关税局，投身企发局。是利是弊，让时间来证明。

很感激关税局一年多来对我的提拔、照顾。我会铭记于心。

二零一零八国游记

屈指一算，竟在一年内去了八个国家：南韩（首尔）、瑞士（日内瓦）、荷兰（阿姆斯特丹）、柬埔寨（金边、暹粒）、泰国（曼谷、清莱）、老挝（琅勃拉邦）、越南（河内、下龙湾）、中国（武汉、襄樊、宜昌、黄石、深圳）

二零一零拔剑四顾心茫然

这句话是我感情生活的最佳写照。

二零一零剪不断理还乱

这就是我家。每年正月、清明、生祭、死祭都要面对一次。

二零一零见龙在田

译：龙出现在田间，有利于大德之人出来治事。一个胸怀大志的人，已经崭露头角，但要能成事、成大事，还要向有权有识的人物学习，才会有利于自身的发展。

二零一零学成文武艺

有了HSK 6 级证书，并进入了ODP，我可以稍微昂首向各位LEP的乡亲父老证明：修读语特不上大学修中文系，不做老师记者，依然可以闯出一片为华文事业尽力的路！

二零一零以战养战

一次次的加班熬夜，一趟趟的出国公干，一回回的背包旅行，我都把它当作是一次又一次对自己的考验。目标是在三十岁前练出属于自己的“气场”。

festive season

2010-12-23T22:36:00.002+08:00

I just need a rumbling post...

I don't really like festive seasons. In fact, I'm damn scared of it...

Maybe coz I'm single. You feel damn lonely during festive seasons when people go out in pairs...

Maybe coz I'm loner. Think this gotta do with my character. I hate the idea of cliques. I may appear to have lots of friends, but I suck at maintaining friendships. Perhaps I am too difficult to understand? Perhaps I change too fast?

Maybe I don't even know who I should celebrate the festive season with. Or maybe there isn't anyone to celebrate with in the first place!

我已经收拾好行囊，准备再次出走。

旅行已经成为一种习惯。

也许看不穿，所以选择离开

至少背着包袱的是肩膀不是心房。

这种行为，说实在的

只不过是假借勇敢为名的懦弱。

随想

2010-12-19T23:57:00.003+08:00

回忆

我很害怕回忆。因为什么思绪都可能钻进心里，包括痛楚。

回忆就是这样，一件事勾着另一件事。

更因为我讨厌那种掌握不到眼前此刻的感觉，讨厌无法控制自己思绪的混乱心理。

信

“人无信则不立”。我很想把这句话告诉我的一个朋友。

朋友，你好自为之吧。

灰

这个世界有绝对的黑，也有绝对的白，更有很大的一片灰色地带。

发觉人越成熟，灰色地带就相对扩大。

但我仍然相信，人必须要懂得自己内心深处黑和白的定位在哪里。

这也许就是有无赤子之心的分别。

谦

每个人有自己的自由意识，我们初出茅庐的凭什么老调长谈的对别人指指点点，硬把自己的思想强家在他人身上？

你又不是人家的老板，凭什么？就算自己真的是过来人，真的有什么了不起的功绩，也最好谦虚一点。

满招损，谦受益。

数典忘祖

我最讨厌（近乎痛恨）数典忘祖的人。

不要对我好

2010-11-01T23:23:00.003+08:00

不要对我太好，因为我怕自己会情不自禁喜欢上你... ...

才 versus 德

2010-10-07T00:08:00.003+08:00

这几个月里，我一有空，就会反复思索这个问题：德与才，孰重孰轻?

这是一个见仁见智的问题，也是一个人事管理问题，更是一个机构、系统能否可持续发展的战略议题！

三、四年前，我会认为德比才重。如今，思维上有些许改变：

我认为，放眼当今时势，才与德并非完全对立。相反的，德是才的一个重要组成部分。

我认为，这世上的人才可分为三种：政才，将才与干才。

政才者，行政能力强，善于运筹帷幄, 是典型的 policy-making and planning expert

将才者，顾名思义，乃组织能力强，有个人魅力，能带兵打仗的，是典型的operational and entrepreneurial leader

干才者，不怕吃苦，耐力强，有韧力，擅打持久战。

为政者，如不能做到爱人者仁、心怀天下，又如何能草拟出利国益民的方案呢？仁心与胸襟，德也。

孙子云，“为将五德：智、信、仁、勇、严也”。

爱拼才会赢，视天下为己任，难道不是德行吗？

能聚以上三才为己用者，比为有大德之大才！

可见，有才者，必有德。但有（小）德者，未必有才。可惜，现今社会仍有许多人认为那些满口仁义道德，拘于小节的人是有德之士，此为重小节而失大义也！

新不了情 on repeat mode!

2010-10-01T01:20:00.001+08:00

回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了

为何你还来拨动我心跳... ....

5th ICT

2010-09-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

To be frank, I learnt alot in this ICT.

Yes, I was arrowed to be the stand-in HQ CSM (without the KAH pay).

It was really admin shit - planning and discussing everyday with officers, specs, other CSMs, dealing with RSM, CO, S3, Bn2IC etc. Its also abt dealing with people...

Handling of men is another big problem. HQ people are diverse, split and usually can't be bothered (nua). Well, this is just a one dimension paradigm.

Taking on the role of CSM, I started to see things from other perspectives. I saw how the same HQ guys were different in terms of their mentality and maturity. I saw how the actions of specs and officers can really affect the morale and discipline of the soldiers. I learnt how simple first and last parades can help to bring people together. I learnt how hokkien and vulgarities can help to close up the gaps between men and commanders.

I learnt how to engage people with a common goal - to "serve and f**k off (out-pro)", how to delegate and entrust authority to people.

I started to get the kick out of it so much that I had the thought of asking my S3 to put me to PS course. (now that I've out-pro, I seriously think its pure stupidity to think in that way! haha) siao!!! I think I came to like it coz it was a new thing to me, and new responsibilities always excite me.

And yes, how to deal with imperfections of life (army).

Most importantly, making new friends with the other CSMs.

I was really quite touched yesterday, looking at the HQ peeps out-proing and shaking hands with them, talking cock for the last few minutes of the in-camp.

Till we meet again next year!

2SG Tan is going back to Mr Tan again. Ops Sgt/ stand-in HQ CSM is now back to his proper role as Manager, International Operations (South China).

Work work (at least I get paid for it hahaha)... ...

九月十二日

2010-09-19T01:53:00.002+08:00

九月十二日晚餐

记下来，因为这可能会是改变我未来二十年命运的日子。

简单来说，三小时里我 “一笑一听”

君所言，我开怀一笑。此笑证明我早已放下心中负担。

听君一言，思绪豁然开朗。此言可能成为日后事业的转捩点。

也看到了朋友的变化和成熟。

其实并不难相处 :)

你看错了吗？

2010-09-10T22:24:00.001+08:00

昨日看错我，今日又看错了，也许明日还会看错。可是我仍然还是我！

我从来不怕别人看错我

相信。不相信

2010-09-09T23:08:00.003+08:00

我相信这个世界是属于敢走出去的人。走出去不容易，走下去更辛苦。知道这一点的人才真正是大智大勇

我相信有阴阳感应，但我不越来越不相信这个世界上真的有神。宗教对我来说是一种思想上的控制，精神上的提升。

读万卷书，不如行万里路。但我相信，没有万卷书打下的基础，就算行了万里路也是白饶。

=========

和朋友讨论了爱情和婚姻，越来越觉得爱该有五个情人

Well Said

2010-07-06T20:47:00.002+08:00

所有的千秋霸业，都是在山穷水尽时开始的

well said :)

进退之间

2010-07-05T10:42:00.002+08:00

初战小胜，顾虑重重

欲胜惧败，欲进惧挫

Forward / Defense

2010-06-29T11:13:00.003+08:00

formulating and executing an exit strategy isn't as easy as it seems.

进可攻，退可守，未必是最好的情况

2010-06-26T17:22:00.001+08:00

燕雀岂知鸿雁志

真的忘了吗

2010-06-15T00:38:00.002+08:00

如果我已经淡忘了，

为什么看到熟悉的高挑背影

短发

心里仍然涌起悸动

如果我已经忘记

怎么解释午夜梦迴时

耳边回响起当年的长夜漫谈

如果已经解脱

为什么有心事只想对你说

2010-04-11T01:26:00.001+08:00

"你最想得到的女人，就是你晓得永远得不到的女人"
宋缺《大唐双龙传》

Totally Agree With This Statement

2010-02-23T23:47:00.004+08:00

“摊大手掌讨钱的男人最没出息，用心用力赚回来的才最有种。” -- 寇仲 《大唐双龙传》

海派甜心

2010-02-02T00:23:00.006+08:00

喜欢这部戏，因为有些感同身受

也因为它说出了许多我在这两年半里（曾经）想说的话：

1) 不管我是薛海还是林达浪，我都是那个一直很爱很爱你的笨蛋。

2) 喜欢可以很多人，可是爱却只有一个

3) 我喜欢你，你明明不是我心目中喜欢的那样的女生，可是，我就是喜欢你

也许，只是也许而已，我仍然想说这三句话。

所以必须不断告诫自己，“也许已没有也许”！

wow ---> orh ---> argh

2010-01-27T20:55:00.002+08:00

I don't know how others feel, I'm just blogging about my own feelings.

Some months ago, I became a "fan" of some fan page on Facebook.

Within the next few days, I receive a message from that fan page in my inbox. That moment, I was thinking, "Wow, things have progressed huh. That's a good avenue of publicity!"

Then, one week later, I received another message, talking about some internal administrative stuff. And then another week later, I receive another message, this time about some operational stuff. This time, I was like, "Orh ok lor. Thanks for the update"...

Then a few days later, I received ANOTHER message, talking about some event. THEN a few days later, ANOTHER message, and ANOTHER, ANOTHER, ANOTHER... All within the same month!!!

Seriously, from that moment on, I started treating the messages from that fan page as spam. Click and delete, don't even need to see it.

If it's not due to some emotional attachments, I would really just un-subscribe from it.

Don't overdo, don't overkill.

It's always a fine line between being professional and impersonal. It's a fine line between being high profile and elitist. It's also a fine line between working hard and trying too hard.

It's not easy. But we always try, and learn in the process.

What Maketh a Man

2010-01-06T00:23:00.008+08:00

Was surfing the net a moment ago and found this this article about "Top 10 Traits in a Real Man" on askmen.com. The contents of it may be provocative/ extreme (I've edited part of it to make it less so), but the traits itself does make sense. Here goes...

A REAL MAN READS

Trait #1: A real man is strong

A real man doesn’t whine. He seldom or don’t emo. He makes decisions and lives with the consequences. He accepts responsibility for his actions and his words. He takes up responsibilities. A real man is firm. If life is a b*tch, a real man will slap it and move on. A real man is the backbone of his family and doesn't have time to be weak.

Trait #2: focus

A man does everything for a purpose with a grand aim in life.

Trait #3: A real man knows the importance of family

A real man will keep his family strong and pass on his ancestors' history and traditions. A real man must also remember his other Family, his organization.

Trait #4: A real man doesn't gossip

Trait #5: A real man's word is his bond

When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it. If he can't keep a promise, he doesn't give his word. A real man would rather die than break his word.

Trait #6: A real man strives to be a role model

A real man respects himself and others at all times, unless, of course, he has been disrespected.

Trait #7: A real man makes his own fortune

A real man doesn't settle for handouts or charity when it comes to his personal fortune. A real man isn't satisfied with papa's money. He spits on Lady Luck and decides his own destiny. A real man who inherits goods from his forefathers takes his inheritance and turns it into 10 times what it was.

Trait #8: A real man doesn't look like a woman

Trait #9: A real man keeps his house in order

Trait #10: A real man can defend himself

I think, it should be written as "A real man can fend for himself". A real man is one that can survive no matter what. A person who is independent.

I think, there should be a trait 11: A real man can take care of himself and others. It is when you can take care of others that you can truly be a real man.

running / bad day

2009-12-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

running, running
as fast as we can
I really hope you make it (do you think we'll make it?)
======================

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride

2009-12-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

不要怪我逼你。我真的希望有一天你能够知耻近乎勇。

kwa bueh song

2009-12-12T01:59:00.003+08:00

Recently, someone got into my "blacklist".

I personally feel that I seldom get irritated, disgusted with people. This person really got onto my nerves somehow for various reasons each time.

In short, 我就是越看她越不顺眼

Every time when I see her, I hope that she doesn't appear any where near me for a long period of time.

满纸荒唐言

2009-11-10T00:15:00.004+08:00

雨夜，　啤酒，　胡思乱想

生死之道非是沉迷，而是超越和忘记

死。。很多人都怕死，我也是。
有个人问我敢不敢看他死去的模样。　
我很想反问：“你活着的样子会比死了的样子可怕吗？”

有人说过，死其实可以解决很多问题 - 我完全同意
活着有时其实很恐怖，因为天天都要担心着死亡这个未知
最可怕的其实是半死不活，不是吗？

活着就要面对很多问题，解决不了的问题。
解决不了的问题才有挑战
人，就是为了解决不了的问题而活着的，用活着的时间寻找解决问题的方法
试问如果所有问题都那么容易解决，那活着还有什么刺激性？

没有问题和挑战的生命，和死人有什么分别？

infernal affairs

2009-10-30T22:55:00.006+08:00

I'm re-watching 无间道 again

I always re-watch this show when I'm deep in a particular mood...

受身无间者永远不死，寿长乃无间地狱之大劫。

exit strategy

2009-10-24T02:00:00.001+08:00

长子嫡孙

2009-10-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

how I wish I am the eldest son instead of the youngest child and only son...

So Disappointed

2009-10-18T03:23:00.002+08:00

So disappointed in you. I was apprehensive on telling you about it. But still, I thought people would change. I thought you would have kept it to yourself, since we've agreed to each other. Never expected you to tell others about it. For the 2nd time, you failed the trust I had in you.

Some Things Change; While Some Things Don't

2009-09-13T17:33:00.005+08:00

to the person I'm thinking of now:

things change the moment you enter

--------

to the person I've been missing:

things change the moment you're gone

--------

to the person who's always been keeping my ego in check:

the dynamics between us have changed, and i hope it stays that way. (:

--------

Some people and their seemingly weird attitude made me realised this:

Some things change the moment we left. Perhaps there's really no need for us to linger on.

======

有些事并没有改变，我依然是那副外热内冷的性格

Lying

2009-09-03T01:00:00.003+08:00

Is lying a way of self-protection for some people?

Sigh, somehow, I pity those who have to lie about themselves to get by with life.

Its like they will forever have to stay 见不得光 because of some stuff

of course, I believe there are many reasons, most of them valid and logical concerns. But i still can't help to think that its self-denial and a portrayal of a lack of courage to face up to the reality.

Things that i've learnt from arts club

2009-08-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

Warning: this post is not meant to be politically correct. I'm simply shooting off whats in my head.

Went for Arts Club Elections QnA yesterday. Looking at the new elects now after away from Art Club for one year plus and into the working world for 3 month plus, I asked myself what are my real takeaways in my 2-3 years in the organisation. just to list a few:

- don't look back in anger, focus on "now". this is by far the most important takeaway i gain from my arts club experience. there's no point in being angry with the past, bear grudges etc. it doesnt help in personal development nor the club, and it makes u give out bad vibes.
a person who keeps looking back can't walk straight.
to quote yoda: "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

- open-heartedness. somehow rather, after being through the shits in arts club, I realise that I'm less affected by the bad things happening on me. this open-heartedness will eventually train you to look at the bigger picture instead of personal gains/ losses. and now i totally understand what it means by "don't compare" esp since i started working. seriously, you cant bring everything down with you when you die. so why be so gei gao?

- looking forward. after being through the rerunning and stepping down syndrome, I realised that I have to move on to a new com, new life, new outlook on things. eventually, this change mentality will go into me. and somehow rather I became more receptive, and more looking forward to change, which relates back to pt one and two.
thus i don't really understand why rerunners want to run for the same position. Isnt that similar to staying in comfort zone when rerunning means stepping out of it?

- belief. either you have it, or you don't. you cant force it, you cant learn it, and you can never wayang it by saying "I believe blah blah blah". it comes to you suddenly. it is something like confidence. it is something like religion. it is something that you know you is there but cant describe it out. it is something that you want to create and know that it can be created. it is something that others will think that it is not feasible but you know you can and you put your heart and soul to it no matter what. it is something that no matter how cham you think your life is, you suck it up and go forward in life (remember, don't compare). i reran because of a certain belief. and this belief had helped me through a few other major obstacles in my life so far.
I really hope all candidates can find it in their MC term.
Seriously, to all out there, if you don't have a belief which you want to realise, don't rerun, else you'll suffer big time.

- learn about the other side of you. simple enough. you learn about your dark side,your good side, your weaknesses, your strengths. and it really depends on how you want to explore it further.

I AM STILL ALIVE

2009-08-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

i visited my blog and i saw the note "user has been inactive for 90 days"!
ok, just to tell anyone who still visit this space,
"I AM STILL ALIVE!!!!" *echoes*
hahs, ok la, will update soon, hopefully...

忘忧草

2009-07-08T22:39:00.006+08:00

让软弱的我们懂得残忍狠狠面对人生每次寒冷
依依不舍的爱过的人往往有缘没有份
谁把谁真的当真谁为谁心疼
谁是唯一谁的人
伤痕累累的天真的灵魂早已不承认还有什么神
美丽的人生善良的人
心痛心酸心事太微不足道来来往往的你我遇到
相识不如相望淡淡一笑
忘忧草忘了就好梦里知多少
某天涯海角某个小岛
某年某月某日某一次拥抱
轻轻河畔草静静等天荒地老

正在疗伤的我完全了解这首歌的意境
很想再一次去浪迹江湖。
很想再一次放下一切，到一个“你”、“我”、“他”和“她”，这些名词都不重要的地方，慢慢地把过去再一次忘记。

The PERFECT White Shirt

2009-07-06T01:56:00.003+08:00

Posting this by request of a friend

You know, getting a white shirt is the most difficult fashion task for a guy.
Its just so damn difficult to get the PERFECT white shirt, a shirt that rules them all in your wardrobe. A shirt that is of perfect cutting, perfect fit, nice design, good shade of white.

On Friday, I tried on a dozen white shirts.

Finally, I found one which is not of the PERFECT design, but the BEST fit
As the saying goes, the most important thing to note for a good shirt is that it must fit. So finally, I made the decision to buy a plain white shirt, no design, but the best fit for me.

My friend was saying that perhaps guys like me should use this story as an analogy to life especially relationships.

Oh well, it all depends on how you see it. :)

optimus prime

2009-07-01T00:13:00.003+08:00

"fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of out choosing"
one must have really gone through quite a bit of shit in life to be able to have such thoughts and say such stuff.

that's what makes optimus prime so "man".

完了

2009-06-28T02:11:00.004+08:00

我可以了解人在必要的时候是必须说谎的

我更可以了解有时候不能把事实的全部说出来

但是我不能忍受你对我的欺骗和隐瞒

因为是你

因为我一直把你当成最好的朋友

不是什么大事，但不知道为什么，我就是有一种被耍的感觉

我很久很久没有生那么大的气了。

也许一直以来，我太相信你了。

现在，完了。

reality?

2009-06-20T23:30:00.004+08:00

read bingde's blogpost about dreams and reality, it started me thinking

in the past one month, there were indeed times when i woke up, thinking while brushing my teeth:
"do i want to do the same routine for the next 40 years??"

ok, here's the routine that i do everyday:
wake up at 7 or 7.15am
brush teeth, do abit of push ups to clear my blocked nose, bathe, change
leave house at 8am
squeeze into the mrt, sweating
walk to office
buy breakfast at 9.30 or 10am
and the day goes...
knock off at 6.30, sometimes 7, meet some friends for dinner
nua at home from 10pm onwards till i fall asleep
and it goes on for five days until Friday evening! wooots TGIF!!!

sounds quite sian right? But now lets put reality into perspective
i know exactly that at the 12th of each month, every cent i earn is through my hardwork and effort.
I know exactly that every cent is put into good use. the money is being used to clear my debts, clear my family's debt, buy things for myself and my family, pay for my insurance, my bills etc etc.
I know that this money will help me set the foundations for my bigger dreams next time

Everyday when i lie on my bed, feeling shagged out and brain-fried, I tell myself: "this is the feeling of having a sense of purpose"
At the very least, I can proudly tell people that I'm now working and feeding myself.
To a certain extent, having a job does make you more confident as well.
I think this is what people call transition from boy to man.

And seriously, coming back home after a long day at work is the best reward a working adult can get.

At work, I get to learn new things everyday, involving in REAL international relations instead of what we LEARN in nus which is so erms... academic, unreal, and outdated!
(work in international relations and cutoms is more like arts club experience than political science)

So actually, it isnt such a horrible thing to enter the working world afterall.

clinique happy heart

2009-06-18T00:14:00.001+08:00

my curse...

irony

2009-06-14T20:15:00.002+08:00

so ironic
in the past, when i know that there are people out there reading and targetting my blog, picking out information, i blogged in a cryptic way.
and i blogged a lot more
now, life is more peaceful, and in a way more meaningful
but i blogged less

and i have a lot of drafts which i hesitate to publish, don't see the need to

last results slip

2009-05-29T23:41:00.003+08:00

results out today..
I GRADUATED!!!!

seriously, didn't really care much about it la, just keep having the undue worry that i might fail any modules.
anw, results were not very good, but still an overall improvement of 0.03 (like it matters)

first thing that i did after seeing my results: print it out and submit to HR!

i think work had taken my mind off a lot of other things. otherwise i think i'll be very anxious now.

I think i can handle more

the art of arguing

2009-05-27T22:58:00.004+08:00

i was watching bits and pieces of the synopsis on parliament debate yesterday over the news
somehow rather, a thought came to my mind:

the very act of arguing itself justifies the other side's claims

novena

2009-05-23T23:42:00.002+08:00

for me, novena is the place that reminds me about the ironies in life

this is the place where i lost my father
this is also the place where i got my first job

rising from where i fall?

first 2 days at work

2009-05-19T23:13:00.004+08:00

APEC, ASEAN, FTAs, SCCP, ACBD, WCO, RKC, AEO, RoO, RILO, NCP etc etc etc...

woahs, damn lots of acronyms...

but its quite exciting too! i finally get to see and be involved in things that i've learnt and talked so much about for the past 4 years. (:

and the soft skills i learnt in Arts Club and OCR, and the knowledge learnt in SBF had indeed helped me a lot!

and i think my pass is quite cool, black leather casing and blue lanyard! hahahaha

10 days of holidays

2009-05-18T00:07:00.003+08:00

AHHHHH! its 7 minutes into the next 40 years of working life for me!!!

im now officially unplugged from the academic world and plugged into the system of world-wide capitalistic trade! hahahaha =p

anyway, some updates on my, erm 10 days of hols since 8th may. Met up with friends, went to flea market, reading angels and demons (hopefully i can finish it before i watch it this coming sat), met up with more friends, tuitions, MORE tuitions, clearing my room, buying of new furniture for my room, night cycling,

and waiting...

Future and Tough Times

2009-05-15T11:37:00.004+08:00

Been trying to blog out my thoughts since last week, but I can't seem to type in anything at all.
lots of feelings, emotions, memories, experiences that I want to pen it down, but I don't know where to start.

My experiences last year (backpacking + dad's passing away) had made me a less reminiscent person. I begin to look into the past less and less. I've learnt to force myself to look forward, to never stop, to never look back. And I think my Arts Club re-running days set the foundations for such a character.

Indeed, one would argue that a person with such a character will lose more coz he does not treasure what he has. I often blame myself for that too.

But hey, how do you feel when you look back? a tinge of sadness/ melancholy/ anger/ wish you could do more/ or happy moments that are no longer there?
And the present traps you to "now", and all your focus will only be on what's in your hands
At least the future offers hope, coz we never know what's there in the future for us! (:

So the important thing is to strike a balance between the 2.

For me, the past is with tears and laughters. The past is something certain, confirmed. It had happened and cannot be changed.
No doubt, the future is full of uncertainties. But it also means that there's a possibility for change the present.
And the possibility to create and realise our dreams.

I think I've been through a fair bit of tough times to say this. . Indeed times are tough now. But I think tough times produce tougher people.
Hey, we 84-86 batch had been through quite a number of shitty times remember? 1984 economic slowdown, oil bust, guinea pigs for streaming and project work, PSLE, O and A levels, Asian Financial Crisis, SARS... you name it, we kena it before! hahahas

"时势造英雄"

We will get there! (:

I hope that I can get my thoughts settled down soon to pen a meaningful conclusion for my 4 years of uni life, and 4 years of my blogging life.

how different are you?

2009-05-02T02:54:00.004+08:00

a person who constantly needs others to sing praises of him reminds me of dongfang bu bai.
oh well, perhaps everyone needs to feel good.
then that makes you just like anyone of us, isn't it?

what a lunch

2009-05-02T02:10:00.003+08:00

it was told to me to be a family lunch.
then i realised it was a major christian event.
it later turned out to be a mass preaching session. -_-"

送便當的母親

2009-04-29T00:51:00.001+08:00

「你又來了！」

中午，我站在學校大門口當交通導護，幫助一年級的小朋友放學。

卓新勇的母親，悄手悄腳提著一個便當在校門口。被我一喊，她露出不好意思的表情。

「老師！．．．」

「哎呀！我不是告訴妳了嗎？學校不喜歡你們替孩子替便當。如果每個媽媽都像妳這樣，學校大門就擠滿人潮，那樣，我們怎麼放學呢？」

「我知道！我知道！」哼！知道了還送，簡直是明知故犯。

「讓他自己帶便當嘛！」

「我知道！我知道！」這些話，不曉得說了幾次。

每次一到中午，送便當的家長和放學的一年級小朋友，常常相撞在一起，造成相當的困擾。

卓新勇是一位沈默寡言，乖巧內向的孩子。有次上課，他竟然打瞌睡，我很訝異，把他叫起來。

「怎麼了？」他一臉迷惘站起來，不回答。第二天上課，也是這樣，我實在受不了，狠狠地把他叫過來。

「你到底怎麼了？」我已經累得半死，口氣已經控制不住。

突然，他垂頭淌下淚水。我暗自一驚。「說呀！到底為什麼上課要打瞌睡呢？」

「我媽媽住院了！昨天一直在醫院陪她。」我一聽愣住了，頓時，心中的怒氣消失了，代之而起的是無限慚愧。

「她怎麼了？」

他難過搖搖頭。「不知道！」

晚上，我打電話到他家。接電話的是他父親。

「她為什麼住院呢？」

「是肺癌！」我一聽，心都涼到腳底。腦子浮現身體贏弱的卓新勇。如果，不幸那天來臨，他將如何繼續往後漫長的歲月呢？

想到這兒，不禁鼻酸。吃飯時，妻子在餵兒子吃飯，我不禁想起，以前卓新勇的母親偷偷摸摸替他送便當。

第二天下班後，我騎著機車到醫院探望他母親。幾個禮拜沒見，卓新勇的母親瘦得不成人形，蒼白的臉，光禿的頭，簡直不敢相信就是她。

她看到我，顯得很驚訝，努力想站起來，但是，一咳嗽，整個人歪了一邊。

「不要站起來！不要站起來！」

「老師！謝....謝謝你！」她吃力喊著，眼眶消出淚水。

在醫院的走廊，卓新勇的父親對我說：「只剩下兩個月了！嗚！我﹍真的不得要怎麼辦？」他老淚縱橫。

回到學校，報告校長。

「他爸爸已經六十多歲了，現在母親又將離開人間，是不是我們可以發動全校募款。不管多少，都可以幫助他。」

校長爽快答應。

經過幾天募款活動，我們總共募到五萬二千一百二十元。把錢送到醫院時，卓新勇的母親已經陷入昏迷中。

「我們準備今天送他回家！」卓新勇的父親，臉形憔悴得發白。

「老師！能不能幫個忙？」我一聽，心頭抽搐一陣。

「請說！我能夠做到的，我一定答應。」

「他前幾天，一直拉著卓新勇的手，喊著：媽媽不能再替你送便當了！我想，請老師再讓他送一次便當，只有送便當時，他才真正感受到一位母親的榮耀。」聽到這兒，我百感交集地點點頭。

中午，一輛救護車呼拉拉開到學校大門口。

卓親勇的父親和一名醫護人員，推著擔架上的人。我淚水盈眶，站在旁邊，伴當交通導護老師。

「到了！到了！」卓新勇的父親買了一個便當，躺在擔架上的卓新勇的母親，伸出瘦細蒼白的手，提著便當，在旁邊人員推送下，慢慢靠近大門口的鐵門。

在鐵門的另一邊，卓新勇則伸出右手，接過母親的便當。

「媽！」卓新勇嚎啕大哭。

這時，我清楚見到她母親瘦削的臉頰，抽搐了一下，彷彿想說話，但是，又說不出來。

「媽！我不要！我不要妳走！」卓新勇呼天搶地叫著。

我的淚水，再也控制不住，嘩嘩而落。我暗恨自己，以前是多麼殘忍！

卓新勇的母親出殯後。一天，卓新勇的父親來到我辦公室，遞給我一包牛皮紙。

「老師！這是你和學生們幫助我的錢，我認為還有更多的學生，需要這筆錢，所以，還給你們。謝謝你熱心幫忙。」說完，錢一放，就掉頭離去。

這筆錢彷彿生熱似，直燙著我心坎。

我天天找卓新勇聊天話家常。深怕他經不起喪母的打擊。

「老師！你放心！我很好！你不要一直替我擔心！」卓新勇對我說。

「我很早就知道，我母親就要死了，我也不是不想聽你話，叫媽媽不要送便當。因為，一天當中，只有中午，我才能吃到我媽媽煮的飯。」

我心頭一凜，「為什麼呢？」

「爸爸心疼她太過勞累，故都親自下廚，媽媽也因為小孩想吃她做的便當，所以就利用爸爸上班期間偷偷的做便當」說完，卓新勇淌出淚珠。

this stody goes out to all parents.
especially to my dad...

more AWARE-d

2009-04-26T13:09:00.002+08:00

I looked back on my previous blog post and realised that it was a little extreme, and gave the impression that im siding with the new exco.

Not at all man!

In fact, im totally disgusted by people who go into power using loopholes in constitution.
Maybe AWARE needs changes, but to the extent of totally destroying the foundations of it is too off.
Alot has been said about how dangerous the new exco is to AWARE so i shan't go too deep into it.

I think that both camps are too engrossed in their current power struggle that they ignored the long term progress of AWARE.

What both camps are doing now is what i was told last time, "negative publicity", which is bad for any side which eventually wins.
It is also bad for the development of AWARE and civil society.

Like what Bingde said yesterday over msn, the old guards have indeed learnt the hard way.
And i think this whole saga serves as a very good lesson for Singapore's civil society.

A thought that came to my mind since the discussion with unclebing35 last night, which was actually always on my mind since i joined student organisations:
if you can't protect yourself and your people from harm/ threats, how can you do good to others?

laws are made by the people, for the people.

aware-ness?

2009-04-25T12:34:00.003+08:00

I think the most talked-about topic in town now is the AWARE conflict woahs, no doubt, it had really created a lot of AWARE-ness in singapore man.

I received an email from an ex-PS, current AWARE member last week. She's using the medium of internet and email to ask for support for her cause against the new exco. (started me thinking about 'medium theory' hahas! ok, that's not the point here)

Just my suggestion for the old guard who sent the email to the PS department last week:

I think you guys should read up your AWARE constitution in DETAIL first before starting the quarrel with the new exco. The new EXCO is constitutionally elected in, mind you. If you're fighting for democracy, since AWARE is a civil society organization, i think you should use the constitution to question the legitimacy of the new exco. And I can already thought of one without reading YOUR CONSTITUTION.

How can AWARE, as a civil society group, has a president that's not popularly elected in?

Makes me wonder if you ever bother reading YOUR CONSTITUTION when you join as a member.

Campaigning through email is a good way. But asking any tom dick harry who does not understand ur organization's mission and values to pay 40 bucks to join in so as to make up the numbers to have a majority vote count over the new exco in the upcoming EOGM is a constituionally childish and stupid way of bringing the AWARE cause further.

You're not doing any good to the the long term development of AWARE at all, do you know that?
To me, this shows that the old guards, who are supposed to be the 'guards' of AWARE, its mission and values, have no respect for its constitution, no respect for its own cause, no respect for the 500 plus members who joined for a noble cause.
What you're doing diluted the cause that you've been trying to 'guard'.
So what difference are you from the new exco that you're condemning?
This shows that perhaps there was no 'cause' at all in the first place huh?

If you don't even respect the constitution yourself, don't call yourself a civil society movement supporter, don't even call yourself a supporter of democracy, don't even join such organisation in the first place. If you don't even respect the constitution yourself, don't expect outsiders to respect your membership and your organisation.

At least the new exco was constitutionally elected in. In terms of legitimacy, they have a higher moral ground than you. To make things worst, you've disregarded the very thing that you should be fighting and defending. You've already lost the battle right from the start.

I always, and still believe that "laws are made by the people for the people". Of course you can always argue back that the current constitution needs ammendments for AWARE to move forward yada yada. But make sure you're in power first then make the constitutional ammendments for the long-term benefit of your organization, which of course will require the approval of your members. If you're not even in the position to do so, then you jolly-well stick to the constitution and use it to you and the organisation's long term benefit. Of course, this 'benefit' is subjective.

My point here is to RESEPCT the CONSTITUTION, coz you're IN A CIVIL/CIVIC SOCIETY ORGANISATION governed by a CONSTITUTION.

When you're calling the others as un-democratic, intolerant, detrimental to the long term female rights movement, have you look at yourself too?

"so much for being an ex-PS major..." That's exactly what's on my mind when i read your email.

Obviously you've failed to win me over in your "campaign".

2009-04-17T01:52:00.000+08:00

大爱不需要用过多的语言来表达，

只要去关心就够了。

2009-04-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

this was what i saw on the chinese challenge website

画坛四大财子

turned off...

blardy pissed

2009-04-04T18:37:00.003+08:00

given the opportunity and the authority, i will not hesitate to give some people a blardy tight slap on the face to wake up their blardy idea.

i think it won't be long for that to happen

The Promised Land

2009-03-31T23:27:00.002+08:00

I saw a poster with slogan "bringing you to the Promised Land" on the streets today, and it made me think...
the promised land.. my 1st sis talks to me about it every now and then.
my 2nd sis say that there's no such thing
my mum spoke of the promised land as the "tian tang".

perhaps we are already on the promised land?
why should we keep searching and saying that we're not in the promised land?
if we're really not in it, why can't we create it at where we are standing now?

should i laugh or cry?

2009-03-22T03:01:00.002+08:00

today i wore the white bike quest singlet for my ippt/
at khatib fcc, an old ah beng came up to me and ask:
"er, PTI, are there anymore lockers ah?"
walaos, i totally dont know if i should be happy or sad lor
happy: that means i look young, and fit, like PTI, fit and tan! :)
sad: it means my hair really looks like army boy! :(

and yay! i passed IPPT! money money money
and booo, i left my driving license at the FCC...

Just for Laughs

2009-03-15T01:00:00.002+08:00

For a plate of food on the table...

An econs major will think: how should we consume it?
A political science major will think: who eats first?

Can Someone Teach Me How to Forget?

2009-03-04T23:38:00.001+08:00

My mood fluctuates a lot recently.

Whenever I have a lack of sleep, what I saw on 28th October last year will come back to haunt me.

on how important is the truth

2009-02-24T21:42:00.005+08:00

I remember i posted something a while ago asking how important is the truth

I sort of get my answer from The Dark Knight

"sometimes, the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded"

same same but different

2009-02-21T02:07:00.000+08:00

I keep reminding myself whenever there's a conversation

how important is truth?

2009-02-15T22:24:00.003+08:00

why do people still insist on finding the truth despite knowing that the truth hurts?
is truth important?
so what if truth had been found? can it erase events that had happened?
so at the end of the day, isnt truth just another "feel good factor"?

修身，齐家，治国，平天下

2009-02-14T18:17:00.002+08:00

修身，齐家，治国，平天下

说来容易，原来真的很难

修身还好，齐家而已就够我头痛了。不要说齐家，养活自己都有问题

"the four" syndrome

2009-01-31T02:01:00.002+08:00

I finished the TVB series 四大名捕 in five days!! YES, im a PS honours student and i've been watching tv instead of doing readings for one week!
anw anw, nowadays i realized ive been talking like this!

我们还需从长计议

这只是表面证据，不能作为呈堂证供

现在人证物证俱在，你还想狡辩

这只是大家的凭空假设，无法成为杀人动机

haha! its a nice show, do watch it! :D

random

2009-01-29T02:16:00.004+08:00

very tired now but can't sleep coz its past the sleeping time :/
with nothing to do (i don't feel like doing readings and had enough of watching 少年四大名捕 for the day), i decided to come online and blog a bit.

Anyway, I went for MPA interview the other day. Did a presentation as well. I think I did quite well for the presentation, but i sucked at the interview :(
If i heng heng get this job, it shall be my first step into the shipping industry! woots!
So after a sucky interview, i went back to redo my cover letter and CV, thanks to Hock's advice and help! =)

3rd week into the last semester in NUS. I think i really lost the momentum to study. Can you imagine a year 4 honours student is thinking of other things like tuition, watching 少年四大名捕, reading outside books, instead of his ISM, PS readings?!

anyway, 少年四大名捕 is damn nice! totally like raymond lam. he's now 2nd to andy lau in my heart! hahaha

Oh, i just found a new pastime: sending resumes! :/
-----

一个人聪明，想的越多。想得越多，日子越不好过。

the power of rumours

2009-01-28T01:38:00.002+08:00

人言可畏！

好恐怖哦！

人，真的很厉害。假的可以说成真的。

最可怕的是当事人本来知道是假的，但是谣言飘来散去

到头来被谣言搞得连自己也以为是真的！

庸人自扰

Hope it makes you feel better :)

2009-01-21T23:03:00.005+08:00

You know what kept me smiling everytime i missed my dad, everytime when i felt guilty of not being able to be by his side more often when he's around, everytime when i felt sad?
it was 2 stories.

The first was told to me by jj
She once told me that she thinks that there exist such an Eternal Land. In this place, all the smart and intelligent people will be there. In this place, people will never grow old. They will all look in their best outlook. In this place, only good memories exists. In this place, we will all meet one another again. :)

I heard the 2nd story from the radio station a few weeks after my dad passed away.
there was a little japanese girl who contracted terminal cancer. Lying in the hospital, she had been asking her dad to bring her to Disneyland one day.
Her dad was poor and sickly. Hearing the pleas from her daughter, unwilling to disappoint her, he constantly told her:
"I'll bring you around the world when you get better" :)
Months passed, the little girl's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer as well.
Soon, he passed away.
It seems like the girl's wish to go Disneyland will never be fulfilled. So, she wrote a note and stick it to her favorite teddy bear, and mailed it out.
The note says:
"if you receive this bear, please pass it to the next person to bring it to the next destination."
The bear was picked up by a backpacker, seeing that note, he passed it on to the next backpacker on his way. And the process goes on and on. The bear was passed to hundreds of backpackers, and it went across many countries, visiting Disneyland as well.
One day, on her deathbed, a letter was sent to the little girl, it says:
"Your dream had been fulfilled. You have travelled round the world" :)
The bear is still on its way to tour the world, with backpackers passing it to one another. :)

I have lost a loved one. But I believe that one of these days we'll meet again, perhaps in that place called 'Eternal Land'. As of now, he'll wait for me for a while longer while I continue to help him accomplish his wishes, and hopefully i can complete my dream in the time being. :)

A person may come and go, but his dreams live forever. :)

WARNING: this post might be a movie spoiler

2009-01-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

Red Cliff

i know a lot of people, esp ROTK fans, will condemn the movie. I agree, there's over-dramatization, makes zhuge liang looks stupid and zhou yu too 'man'. in the novel, zhuge liang is a 'know-it-all', excellent commander, with all the good qualities etc. in contrast, zhou yu is handsome, smart and capable but lost to zhuge liang, petty etc etc.

most importantly, zhou yu and zhuge liang had always been at loggerheads with each other.

but real history offers a different view: zhou yu was an excellent commander, magnanimous, kind-natured, well-mannered, knows martial arts, smart. most importantly, zhou yu was never really antagonistic towards zhuge liang. in fact, the novel had deitified zhuge liang. during the time of the battle, zhuge liang should still be considered a 'commander-in-training'.

while reading the novel and history, i've been always asking myself: why can't zhuge liang and zhou yu be friends, like that kinda man-to-man friendship you know. that kinda 君子之交.

and i think john woo had shown this kinda man-to-man friendship very well in the movie. anyway, ya, tts john woo. and he answered my question through his movie.

indeed, 君子之交淡于水.

anw, i love these classic lines...

“凡事都略懂一点，生活也精彩一些”

“你蠢也就罢了，害得我跟你一样蠢。”

“你过时了。”

“我从来没有放弃梦想”

built to last!

2009-01-08T02:59:00.002+08:00

oooh!! i love this song!!! :D

每年这个时候

2009-01-05T13:49:00.004+08:00

这几天，忙着打扫除，整理思绪

发现很多当年觉得很有纪念价值的东西，现在丢都来不及，看也懒得再看，

我就是这样，最近不大喜欢回忆，

因为心情会低落，因为会后悔

我就是这样，努力地活过，然后在努力地忘记

对我来说，不要怕地往前走比不要悔地回忆来得容易

每年这个时候，我都会一个人独处，静静地让记忆慢慢沉淀...

发现每年我都会觉得去年比前年难过，每年都是大起大落

还是那句老话：“年年难过年年过”

如果把我的生活拍成连续剧，可能收视率会比《小娘惹》高！哈

日子过得太快，事情发生得太多，我都记不起去年初发生的事了。

2009-01-04T03:03:00.003+08:00

i was thinking of how to sum up my 2008 in the simplest way, and i found this on jean's blog!

1. Describe your 2008 in three words.
four chinese words ba... 大起大落...

2. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
internship, backpacking, plan outings and gatherings, read more than 2 books in a month, played korean card game, teaching jap, korean and vietnamese english,

3. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
some of it ba i guess.. more new year resolutions?! i got only 2-3 now

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
courage to tell someone face-to-face what i've been wanting to say

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
18th feb and 27th october.
18th feb was the date of a journey of self-discovery
27th october was the date i lost my dad, a date filled with regrets and sorrows. on this date, i knew that life had taken a completely new change.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
went backpacking myself into 3 gorges, yunnan! scoring 4.125 this semester. resolved some issues with a few friends

7. What was your biggest failure?
didn't managed to resolve some issues with a few other friends. failed to be a good son haiz...

8. What do you wish you'd done more of?
hmm, i don't really like to look back too much... perhaps i should've talked to my dad more when he was around

9. What do you wish you'd done less of?
be more patient towards my mum and my sis, less irritating to people whom i really cared for

10. Did anyone close to you die?
ya

11. What countries did you visit?
china china china!!!

12. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nope

13. What was the best thing you bought?
zara black shirt and the levis jeans!

14. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my friends' concern during difficult times. esp the friend who came online to talk to me almost immediately after i sent the sms. Thanks

15. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my sis

16. Where did most of your money go?
air tickets, eat (i ate hell lots this year), clothes

17. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
SEP, my new lap-bit

18. What song will always remind you of 2008?
你不是真正的快乐，黄金路‘s theme song, 小太阳

19. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
i think i cannot use happy or sad to measure 2008, rather i should use the amount of life experiences gained thoughout the year as a gauge.

b) thinner or fatter?
fatter! woots! Thanks to China!!

c) richer or poorer?
just when i thought i got richer personally, i realised im into a financial shit-hole

20. How did you spend Christmas?
had a gathering 3 days before xmas, after that i've been sick throughout xmas

21. How did you spend Valentines Day?
packing my luggage for SEP

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
got myself drunk on my birthday, 24...

23. My new crush in 2008
heh.. Don't tell you! *act shy*

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
don't like to hate people nowadays, not worth the effort

25. What did you want and get?
better CAP score, NASA award, internship, fats (hehe), a more relaxed life

26. What did you want and not get?
peace

27. What kept you sane?
responsibility i guess? aspirations maybe

28. Who did you miss?
my dad, friends in China, and YOU! hah

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

30. Who was the best new person you met?
2 groups of people! one group in China, the other are my PS honours friends! haha!

31. Favourite arts performance in 2008
it was a play that i watched in hangzhou, performed by Ah Ya, but i forgot the name already.. :/

32. Favourite music album in 2008
后。青春期的诗

33. Favourite Film in 2008
red cliff? oooh! kungfu panda/ bolt!

34. Favourite song in 2008
你不是真正的快乐

35. What was your greatest musical discovery?
i started learning guitar!!

36. Favourite Youtube video

don't have

38. Obsessions in 2008
HnM! jeans and shirts!

39. What was your favorite TV program?
--

40. What was the best book you read?
于丹《论语》心得. it changed my perspectives in life and on confucianism.

41. Things I am grateful for in 2008
friends, friends whom i can call up in the middle of the night to kbkb, family and relatives,

42. The things I’m most looking forward to in 2009
career, or money. hah, im not being materialistic, but i really need it now.
courage

nightmare

2008-12-30T01:35:00.002+08:00

wakaos, i've been having nightmares recently!!!

in the dream, i kept seeing people leaving me, friends and acquantances, some of them waved goodbye, some of them smiled and turned away, others simply faded into the dark...
and i'm left alone in the scene
then my legs started feeling numb and i started to run
when i woke up, my legs are still sore, with my thighs feeling the muscles strain

and sometimes in my sleep, i'll be reminded of the time 2 months ago when i was at the mortuary, but the frequency of this dream is getting lesser and lesser though.

other than these nightmares, the other dream that i had several years ago came back again!
its that kind about falling from great heights
could this be a sign of insecurity? or an omen? stress? or simply a lack of sleep?

can't be that serious right??

i shall have a good sleep tonight *prays*

2008-12-27T04:17:00.003+08:00

why did you hide it from me?
-----
why did you lie to me?
-----

“看起来朋友很多，知心的没几个” 这句歌词用来形容我最合适。

外表交流广阔，其实真正我认为会陪在我身旁的人，

一只手就能算得出，而且还在逐年减少。

是我个性孤傲？是从来没有敞开心房？还是世间冷暖本来如此？

也许我有着浪人的天性，从不属于任何一个地方，不属于任何一群人。

相识容易，相处难。

在中国时，有个背包旅客对我说过这么一句话：

"大家背着个背包离乡背井地出来玩，就是要个自体验人生。

在路上结个伴，一路上有个照应，

有人说说话儿，也就是了。

大家都不要向彼此要求太多。

到了交叉路口，你走你的，我走我的，说声再见，

就这样了吧。”

也许人与人之间，不外如是。

so?

2008-12-24T13:49:00.003+08:00

resutls are out, and so the leak is right
best result i've ever got in nus for the past 7 semesters
but so what?

omg, im so vain!~

2008-12-20T15:19:00.003+08:00

i was looking at my facebook pictures. walaus, i was real thin last year la!
haha not as if im very fat now, but at least i think im more muscular and meaty now
HAHA its quite shocking when i had to try on a 30 inch jeans at levi's last week
last time, i can only go up to maximum 28 inch!!

hehs, i think im the only one who's so happy about gaining weight! =p

ooh ya, and i bought my FIRST pair of levi's jeans! YESSS!

will wear it to the FIRST PS honours xmas gathering this coming monday ((:
------

hmm, and now im thinking about a question
should i or should i not???

things that i wana tell you part II

2008-12-19T01:42:00.003+08:00

做大的，要有做大的样子

做儿子的，要担当得起做儿子的责任

things that i wana tell you part I

2008-12-19T01:09:00.003+08:00

this story comes from zhuang zi...

in the past, there was this person who was damn scared of seeing his own shadow and his footsteps.
he thought:"if i run away from it, then i won't see it anymore!"
and so he ran and ran. the further he ran, the more footsteps he saw; the longer he ran, the longer his shadow becomes. He persisted, thinking that he was too slow, and ran faster and faster, till he was all worn out and died...

it was foolish of him not to know that by going under a tree, he won't see his shadow anymore; by sitting down, he won't see his footsteps anymore.

are you like this too?

there was this other story by zhuang zi:

there was this ancient big bird, its wings spanned across a few miles. it can flie up to thousands of miles a day. its shadows can cover the whole forest of a few square miiles.
while its shadows were casted over the forest, the little sparrows are enjoying themselves, chirping, jumping around the branches.

perhaps we are leading different lives, you're happy with yours now doesnt mean that i'm not satisfied with mine.
-----

even if i'm the last one standing, i'll still stand firm on my grounds and my beliefs. if you want to change yours and think that it is right to do so, so be it. I cannot and will not do it.

because i'm born with that obligation and duty to stand firm on it, and carry on with it.

好歌 playback + x'mas wish

2008-12-12T03:00:00.004+08:00

this song brought back some memories...
i heard this song a few weeks back in the channel 8's 45th anniversary programme
and it made me thought of a few important people in my life
i hope that they are doing well in their lives, be it here or elsewhere...

生命过客

主唱：童安格

曲:李伟松李偲松词:卡斯

在拥挤的街头

你在忙碌的追求什么

在孤寂的角落

你知道失去的也多

chorus

在拥有的角落

你是否曾经好好珍惜

在失去的时候

是否依然那么在意

一生要失败几回

才知道成功的意义

一生要爱过几回

才了解爱的真谛

一生要失败几回

才知道成功的意义

一生要爱过几回

才了解爱的真谛

在拥挤的街头

你在忙碌的追求什么

在孤寂的角落

你知道失去的也多

chorus
-----

this x'mas, i have only one wish. but i know it can never be fulfilled

Decisions, Magnanimity, and others

2008-12-08T23:03:00.007+08:00

with decisions, come consequences
you make a decision, you face up to it, simple as that. some consequences we are able to see. but a lot of times, a lot of consequences cannot be foreseen. but still, you face up to it, no 2 ways about it. no point in whining etc when things go wrong, coz you made that decision, you answer to it.
that's the way things are in life. that's why life is exciting, coz you never know what's coming along your way, all you can do is to stick to your decsion, wipe off your tears, hold on to your faith and carry on to the end
-----

i don't understand why people can bear grudges/ memories years after years
why can't we just forgive and forget?
if its not a matter of life and death, do you really need to hold on to it for so long?
perhaps, everything takes time ba
i always thought myself to be a big hearted, optimistic, magnanimous (hah, self-praise here) but there are still some stuff in life that I'm still trying to reconcile with.
-----

I think i'm really still not ready for the job market...
there are just soooo many things to learn but which the school did'nt teach
having leadership expericences, internships, CCA records, good results are still not enough! I realised that specific technical knowledge is still very much needed! But PS students where got specific technical knowledge?!
to make things worst, a lot of companies who are posting recruitment adverts online are looking for people with at least 2-3 years of working experience. jialat la! fresh grad can go measure the road already!
-----

i realised that i can't solve P5 maths questions! haha, i really wonder why my tuition kid's maths results improved after my tuition =p
-----

what happens between a guy and a girl should only involve the 2 parties. the involvement of others with or without the consent of any of the 2 parties will only complicate matters

2008-12-07T04:20:00.002+08:00

puis! from that moment on, i really hated myself!
walaus, knn, why i so hum ji?!
haiz
ARGHHH!

2008-12-02T17:19:00.002+08:00

yay! i was watching channel u just now, and its promoting the infernal affairs trilogy!!! wu jian dao woots! its this movie that andy lau became my idol! woooohoooo! shuai~!
我只想做个好人
我想跟他换
我爸爸常说， ‘出来跑，迟早要还’
我也是警察!!!
classic! what's there to say? hahaha!!!

town councillors = invesment bankers?!

2008-12-02T13:01:00.003+08:00

was reading a bit on the issue about town councils' investment recently, my thoughts about it?

i thought all this while since i was a kid that the purpose of town council is to make our heartlanders' lives better, never did i know that to make our lives better is to turn itself into an investment banker...
but i believe investment banker will tell me which funds they are going to invest in before they put it into action

then i read the headlines of lianhe zaobao which quoted a politician saying:
"i can just bo chup and let the money rest in the savings account of the bank, but i don't think that's a responsible act."
hmm, my response: "羊毛出在羊身上"
and i don't think that's a very wise remark to make at this point of time. why so serious? why sound so defensive?

then i start to wonder:
if town councils did profit from the investments in previous years, and town councils being part of the government, why are taxes increasing?
why are we still being charged for upgrading projects?
why do i still need to pay for electrical and water bills when i book the void deck for my dad's funeral wake a few weeks ago?
if the purpose of town council is to make heartlanders' lives better, and town councils profitted from previous investments, why did i see the rich getting richer and the poor, like me, getting poorer?

hmmm, its just my rantings as a heartlander k!
deep in my heart, you still know that i love singapore, i love the system, i believe in meritocracy, i believe in singapore's 'democracy', and i still have strong faith in YOU (yew)! *wink*
at the back of my head, i still remember the GST package you gave me, thanks!

cry me a river

2008-11-30T21:36:00.004+08:00

if someone can grant me a wish,
i have only one at this moment
i wish that i could cry out loud

i really envy those who are able to cry easily
they must be very happy people
coz they do not need to hide their emotions
and they know how to let it out in the most effective way

i think i've lost that ability to do so

perhaps im not entitled to this privilege

不喜欢回忆
不敢回忆
回忆很痛很锋利
所以不断骗自己
要用勇敢走下去

don't know why

2008-11-26T08:32:00.004+08:00

i think its been unfair to me, very unfair...
i think im the victim leh, but im not angry at all, why?!

anyway, what's the point in feeling angry? its not a deliberate fault of the other party what.
moreover, its not as if its something against morality or principles.
its a mistake that everyone will make

angry for what? you can't bring all this anger, grievances with you into the grave what. when all becomes dirt and dust, where's this anger?

walaus, c'mon la, its UNIVERSITY already leh, not some primary school where you go around and say 'i dun friend you' can?
-----

eh friend, if you like the girl, just say la!
hahas!!

constant

2008-11-16T16:29:00.005+08:00

they say that change is the only constant in this world.

i agree that we should always be ready to embrace changes, and adapt to it.

But have you ever asked yourself, what's that "constant" in your life?

in a life full of changes, are you going to be just one of those that go with the flow? what are your principles? where do you stand in important issues in your life? some people call it the bottom line, some call it "principles", some call it "beliefs", some call it "faith", some call it "value system"...

i call it 'constant'

to me, this 'constant' comes with life experiences, it comes from the culture you're in, it comes with your family brought up, it comes from the education you receive.

i recently realized that this "constant" kept me unfazed in times of crisis, i recently realized that this "constant" is my own sense of confidence, and i believe that leaders derive their charisma from their sense of "constant".

it is something more realistic than dreams, it is something more idealistic than being pragmatic, it is something more big-hearted than stubbornness.

it is a "constant" in your mind, in your heart...

it is definitely something more than telling yourself that "change is the only constant in life", trust me, there was once when i try telling that to myself, but that didn't make me happier at all.

it is something that makes you stands out from the crowd

it is a "constant" that makes you confident in facing the constant changes in life.

and i believe its in everyone of us, in our heart, there's this place which i call it as the "constant".

以父之名

2008-11-08T02:00:00.003+08:00

finally back to my blog. im going to blog about all i felt for the past 2 weeks. after that, i promise myself that i'll close up this chapter in life and move on to the next.
27th October 0917hr, ill rememeber this date and time forever. it was the time when i lost my dad...

Heaven has its ways to let me know that i've been taking things in my life for granted, first in 2006, on friendship; and this time round, on kinship.

In my mind, i've been planning it for umpteenth time on how im going to let my parents enjoy life after i graduate. i've been thinking about it everytime when my dad sent me to school, which is almost everyday. i've been thinking that i'll bring my parents to china when i got a stable job and pay. ive been thinking that ill bring my dad on a plane (he's never been onto one before). ive been thinking that i'll buy a car next time and drive him around. ive been thinking...

My relationship with my dad is that of those traditional father-and-son relationship. we seldom talk to each other a lot. i remember that the last time my dad seriously warned me was during jc A-levels, the last time he really held my hands and wish me all the best was in february before i board the plane. when i saw him lying on the bed, head swelling after the operation, all that was flooding my mind were all these "last times"...
the only time i drove him around was this year's chinese new year, when i drove him and my mum to buy roasted duck for cny...
life is full of ironies: my dad had been driving pple around all his life for the past 30 years, when he was finally driven by someone else, its his journey to the crematorium; the one week when my dad was in the hospital, i talked to my dad, lying unconcious, more than any other time added together; my dad doesnt smoke, doesnt drink, doesnt gamble, but life was just fated in this way that he had to leave at 67.

it was only after my dad passed away, that i started to understand why he does certain things the way he did: why he insisted on driving me to school since secondary school; why he had always asked me to jiao3 ta4 shi2 di4 de zuo4 ren2; why he willingly gave up the $2000 my grandma left behind to his only elder brother; why he prefers to keep quiet when people point fingers at each other during those normal "family meetings".

my dad was such a man, placing family before everything, placing friends before himself, sometimes even before my mum. to him, a man can be poor, but cannot live without principles. he doesnt see the need to argue, coz he believes that Heaven has eyes...
one of these days during the wake, a neighbour came along and told us that a week before my dad had a stroke, he saw my neighbour limping on one foot, and so, he carried my neighbour up to her unit...
sometimes, when he sees an old friend, relative or neighbours, he will even give them free rides...

such a man, such a father, and i didnt even take a shot together with him before, except for the few family photos. the only photo i had with him was in the hospital, a few days before his departure, when he's lying on the bed, unconcious.
and i havent show him the pictures i took in china since i returned...

I cried very hard on the 2nd night and third day of my dad admission into the hospital. I really regretted the things that i've done and not done. i really asked for my dad's forgiveness. i really hoped that things can be back to normal when i open my eyes again. I really hope that there is a 2nd chance. for all these years, ive been free to do the things that i want to do, pursue my dreams. for all these years, i thought that by achieving lots and lots, im doing my parents proud. but on that moment, all i thought of was to rewind everything.
"its only a few more months to my graduation, its only 3 months since i came back from china", i kept thinking to myself...
and then i stopped crying since the third day, because i realised that everyday when i wake up, i have to face the same reality, that my dad is lying there, getting weaker and he might eventually leave us.
I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. hahs, what an irony again.
or rather, i had no time to really think about it and cry since then.

at 0913 on that fateful Deepavali Monday, I was shivering in fear, i saw the heartbeat on the life-supporting machine dropping bit by bit, heading to zero. i trembled. Yet there was nothing i could do to stop death god from taking my dad away. All I could do was to tell him to an xin shang lu, ill take care of the family and be a good son. his condition went critically bad on the early morning when im doing the night shift to look after him.
and so i called my family to inform them about the situation. and so i waited. and so i prayed.

when the doctor came out of the room, when we were being informed of his passing away, my family crumbled, my sis and mum were crying. and so, all the "by-defaults" started to come in

by default, as the only son, i'm supposed to be strong for the family
by default, i talked to the doctor on what are the things to do following his death.
by default, i tried to convinced the doctor for my mum to not send my dad to the mortuary and coroner
by default, i went to choose the coffin, settle the funeral stuff with my uncles
by default, i went to claim the body from the mortuary the next day
by default, i had to make lots of decisions for the funeral
by default, i had to liaise with lotsa people to get things done
by default, i had to convince my eldest sis, who had converted to christianity, to go through the taoist rites
by default, i had to convince and support my 2nd sis and mum to face up to the reality

crying doesnt solve the problem, staying in despair will only spread to others neagative feelings, whats more important are those that are living, i kept telling myself...

on the night of the ritual, i finally saw the "lantern" that people had always been talking about. the item that the eldest son had to carry during funeral according to chinese traditions. to me, it signify something else: its the responsibility that i never thought of taking up, or rather, not so soon.

and so, everything ended on friday 31st oct. we were glad that the remains after the cremation showed that my dad had been a healthy person, and that he had a sarira on his bones! maybe this is an indication that his soul had reached Heaven.

I'm really thankful to all my friends and relatives who had been supportive of me through this difficult times, especially to those who had chatted and talked cock with me during that period of time. It was really you people that took my mind off the sorrows and despair. Thanks!

And to my dad, pa, i promise you i'll continue to do you proud and 撑起这个家的

looking at things on a more positive light, the whole incident made me grow up by at least another 5 years. I getta know myself better and my stand on many issues as a result. Im not sure how much ive changed but surprisingly, im now more confident and positive in facing life's challenges, coz we never know what's going to happen in our life next! in fact, im a lil curious about what will happen to me when i grow old, esp when everyone keeps saying that i look exactly like my dad! hmm! relationships between me and my relatives became better. and suddenly i felt as if im on the same level as them... oh well, mebbe that's "by default" as well.

but by default, now for everything i do, i have to think about my family first. i cannot have that care-less (free) mentality anymore

but im still a little sensitve when pple use terms such as "go and die la", "kao beh", "my father..." coz "go and die" isnt really that difficult, and im really in the position of "kao beh", if you guys know the real meaning behind kbkb...

I saw my dad in my dreams on the 7th day night, hahs he looks happy, though still bald coz of the operation i guess, and surprisingly, he's in sports attire! in cap and shorts! enjoy yourself up there, Pa!

And so, this chapter of my life is now closed.

matter of life and death

2008-10-22T22:20:00.003+08:00

what will you do when you're caught in such a situation? who is right? what is right?
1) go for operation, with 20% chance of survival, almost certain tt the person will turn vegetable, with huge medical costs. worst of all, you know its going to be prolonged suffering, bad for everyone, but there is a chance of him living...
2) let the person hang in there for 2-3 days. see him wither away from you. short pain for everyone, but cruel to make such a choice...
3) that person is your father, you need to make the decision for him
4) which choice do you need more courage for?
5) who do you pray to when such a situation hits u?
6) how do you feel when everytime the doctor talks to you, its one bad news after another?
7) how do you feel when all your plans about the future that you have in mind but never revealed to anyone were all smashed in one night?
8) suddenly i realised how much i have to say to my dad...

and all i can do is to cry under my blanket when no one is looking

perhaps love?

2008-10-07T02:57:00.000+08:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres". 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

just a LITTLE complain here...

2008-10-02T01:22:00.004+08:00

suddenly i feel like running away
to a place far far away
away from all the troubles, nonsense, unhappiness, issues

hah! what an interesting life!
for the past 3 years, its been one problem after another, one issue after another, except from february to july 2008
now that im back, its time to face new issues, new problems!

hah, the more interesting thing is that it is always me that's in the wrong!
regardless how much ive tried, how much ive changed
hahaha interesting!
so F**KING interesting!

Are You A Narcissist?

2008-10-01T18:36:00.003+08:00

I was reading Asiaone.com and i found this article! quite interesting...

Many Facebook friends? You may be a narcissist

ARE you a Facebook user with a large number of Facebook friends and a packed activity feed? If so, chances are you are a narcissist, according to a University of Georgia study.

Narcissists are people with an inflated sense of self-importance.

For the study, psychology researchers Laura Buffardi, a doctoral student, and associate professor W. Keith Campbell surveyed 130 Facebook users and analysed their Facebook pages.

They also roped in lay observers, who were shown Facebook profiles and asked to point out which ones belonged to people whom they considered narcissists.

The findings, which will appear next month in the academic journal Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin, suggested that the number of Facebook friends and wall posts one has correlates to narcissism.

Facebook usage that tends towards self-promotion, with an emphasis towards friend quantity rather than quality, are markers for narcissism, according to Prof Campbell.

Ms Buffardi said this was similar to how narcissists behave in the real world, forming numerous but shallow relationships with others.

So what if you have many friends but would rather not be taken as narcissistic by strangers surfing your profile?

The study suggests you choose poorly-lit candid shots over fancy professionally-taken snaps for your profile photo.

For the lay strangers employed in the survey, "the impression of narcissism is based primarily on the number of social interactions, along with the extent to which the Web-page owner appears to be self-promoting and attractive in his or her main photo"

hahs, are u a narcissist?

bit by bit

About someone I "like" on facebook...

Growing Up

Been Thinking...

I Heard a Rumour

The Good Thing About Being Young

Vote for who??

My Job, My Future and My Hunan Trip

缘起缘灭

天方夜谭

很想潇洒

鼻酸

二零一零 回顾

festive season

随想

不要对我好

才 versus 德

新不了情 on repeat mode!

5th ICT

九月十二日

你看错了吗？

相信。不相信

Well Said

进退之间

Forward / Defense

真的忘了吗

Totally Agree With This Statement

海派甜心

wow ---> orh ---> argh

What Maketh a Man

running / bad day

kwa bueh song

满纸荒唐言

infernal affairs

exit strategy

长子嫡孙

So Disappointed

Some Things Change; While Some Things Don't

Lying

Things that i've learnt from arts club

I AM STILL ALIVE

忘忧草

The PERFECT White Shirt

optimus prime

完了

reality?

clinique happy heart

irony

last results slip

the art of arguing

novena

first 2 days at work

10 days of holidays

Future and Tough Times

how different are you?

what a lunch

送便當的母親

more AWARE-d

aware-ness?

blardy pissed

The Promised Land

should i laugh or cry?

Just for Laughs

Can Someone Teach Me How to Forget?

on how important is the truth

same same but different

how important is truth?

修身， 齐家， 治国， 平天下

"the four" syndrome

random

the power of rumours

Hope it makes you feel better :)

WARNING: this post might be a movie spoiler

built to last!

每年这个时候

nightmare

so?

omg, im so vain!~

things that i wana tell you part II

things that i wana tell you part I

二零一零回顾

修身，齐家，治国，平天下